sidetrack.

I'm into details lately,
I find myself fascinated by every tiny little thing

How the cigarette burns,
In a circle, but breaks into half.
How the ice melts,
From within, the lines of weaknesses crushes
How the mobile batt depreciates,
From Green, to red, to silence.
How my friends come up with their msn nicks,
How different yet similar in many ways.
How come there are 6 billion people on earth
And why we need to find 1 to make us complete.
How words lost its meaning
When we all begin to find trust a difficult concept

❤❤❤

I see the painful struggles.
I see the lines drawn
I see the barriers built up
I see the space in btwn
I see the indifference
I see the detachment
I see the hidden meaning behind your words
I see the harsh reality
I see the tears in those eyes
I see thru the white lies.
I see the truth
I see your shadows fading
I see your face blurring
I see you standing further away
I see you distancing
You see, It's time to say goodbye.

Pity,
My eyes are not blurred
I can still see what I ought to see.
Pardon me,
I have run out of excuses for you.

I want to be alone too.
I want no one too.

❤❤❤

As much as I hate to admit this about myself,




Im scared.

❤❤❤

There's this repeated cycle of Love & Hate.
Sometimes, I love.
Sometimes, I hate.
Mostly, they co-exist.
Somehow, I find love in the midst of the hate.
Somehow, I find hate in the midst of the love.
Perhaps, that's the fear of losing at its play.

❤❤❤

I hate you.

I am a hateful person, as much as you are.
The only reason why Im not killing you is because Im staring at bright colours now.

You are not even fit to kiss my toenails
And I need a pedicure.

(credits to Andy who taught me how to apply the word "toenails" into daily conversations.)

❤❤❤

"3,2,1 ACTION"
Today's one of those days that I wish that I am not who I am.
I'm tired of being me, I'm beginning to hate whatever that has become of me.

Im a sad sad sad person who puts on this happy persona, with this silly stupid mentality that this fucked up act will get me away frm all the shit in my private life. REALLY.

Sometimes I wish I can be a bit more like you, feigning ignorance, or a bit more like Andrea, with all the emotional fits and all.

The little voice in me says I ought to cry on your shoulders now and things will be okay, the little devil in me says I gotta stop being nice, and leave some room for selfish acts.

[Im nice and Nice is good]

"3,2,1 CUT"

Im not hurted,
Im jus selfish,
I jus wanna protect you
from this world rife of hate and violence.

❤❤❤

"I love you, You love me, We are happy family, With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, You can say you love me too"
Barney is a fucking liar.

I rather say my ABCs.

❤❤❤

She remembers things that never happened before.
Like,
His touch on her knees
Her heart on his sheelve
Pause that special moment please.

Hello Miss Nutcase, Meet my new friend, Reality.
Pop goes the balloon,
Pop goes the romantic projections,
Pop goes my heart.
Buy me a Barbie and I'll shut up.

Meet my boyfriend, Imagination
Imagination(He) is evil,
The little devils of the mind go tick tae toe.
Mindless chatters; Sweaty Palms; Hair-twirling;
Racing Pulse; Weak Knees; Deep Breathings
Enter the Danger Zone, Be prepared for waitings and heartaches
Nobody ever warned you to about the hot kisses, sexy scent and the warm hugs
Strange huh.

❤❤❤

(PAUSE)

I make indispensable dispensable
I make me indispensable





I gotta stop using the letter "I"
>


Vday this year
(rainbow flickers, birds chirping, sun smiling, moon waving, cotton candy clouds, dancing flowers, hopping bunnies)

was a hell lot bearable than last year, we all deserve a pat on the back for our Oscar-winning act.
The Snow Z.Yuan and his seven little girls.

❤❤❤

I've tried to take a picture of love
Empty
To write a diary in ink
Empty
It's been getting better
Empty
He said.
Empty
The heart dies a slow death
We are empty.




"I dont know what to say" and "So sorry" are vulgar words.
All lovey-dovey movies should be banned.
V-day opts for a new name, enVy-day.
I need a Happy Meal, a free toy and a fake smile.

❤❤❤

"I'm just a silly little girl, with a silly crush"

Caught a couple of great movies from the pretty ADM lib in school.
Here are some quotes that caught my ears. They just happened to appear at the right time, as though they are godsend.

"You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? Is when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like 'Hey, I'm glad you're gone'. "
- Jesse in "Before Sunrise"



"We have no idea where we're going
Lodged in life
Like branches in a river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I carry you
You'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me?
Don't you know me by now? "

(abstract of the poem. the actual one is too lengthy, so im just publishing the bit that really touched my heart, and hopefully it does the same to whoever is reading this as well)

Before Sunrise, as clinche as the title might sounds, probes the most fundamental issues of love. Though its pretty much talking and more talking throughout the entire movie, it's definitely not your typical lovey dovey movie. But it challenges the way you've perceived love for years, and in just less than an hour.

In my past relationships, I had always imagined myself as a General, ready for war. Every move I made, I weighed my benefits and losses, my chances of winning, chances of defeat, chances of gaining control, chances of being totally submissive. It was always about winning, always about gaining control and power.

Instead of enjoying what Love can bring and teach, I was too preoccupied with my own little battle that I got myself into.
All I want now is to fall crazy in love, do all the silly mad things, make mistakes, fall down on my knees, cry my eyes out, kiss the roses with e thorns , enjoy what it truly means to be in love.
To love, to be loved, to hurt, to be hurted

"Well, who says relationships have to last forever?"
-Celine, "Before Sunrise"

Lets stop all the mindgames and mindfuckings, and be real.

❤❤❤