whatever.

heads

2009-01-31T02:20:00.000-08:00

We enter relationships for the wrong reasons.
We enter relationships for the wrong impression.
The biggest wrong of all is to enter a relationship thinking "this time round, things will be different"

What makes things different?
A different guy?
But what if a different guy is not different?
What if a different guy is different ?
But what if the end is not different?

"What if..... But what if......"

who

2009-01-20T12:47:00.000-08:00

I have a one-way ticket to hell!

SOMEBODY PLEASE KEEP ME GROUNDED.

i hate u

2009-01-12T11:08:00.000-08:00

Andrea once made such a comment "You care too much abt what people think of you"
I say, she's almost right.
I care a lot on what the people I care think of me.

I just find it rather amusing that I have "known" this person for slightly more than 3 years now.
And till date, I have never ever made a single nasty/bitchy/rude/negative comment on that person. Close friends should know that I like to bitch about everything, and the fact that the person has been "pardoned" from that, probably goes to show how special a friend i "thought" he/she is.

Even today, when Im talking to new friends or recalling back the good old days, I have nothing but NICE THINGS to say about that person.
Strangely enough, I have to hear such remarks u made about me from a new friend. When he first mentioned my name, he said. You appeared to be in a state of shock + speechless and then you started laughing madly (?) and then you used merely 2 words to describe me "loud and eccentric".

I forced a laugh.

I told myself, nah. It must be your weird sense of humor acting up again. Or maybe because you are neither here, nor there so you dont really know where the line is. I guess u can be loud and eccentric in a positive manner. I supposed U can use to word "eccentric" on Johnny Depp, so im pleased to have any forms of associations with him.
I tried to convince myself that those words did not mean to be hurtful but just a bad case of a nasty joke.

But he added, "she/he told me not to tell you". That really ended the act.

P.

2008-07-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

P. with Me

Transgression, captured.

We play 3 Blind Mice.
P, with his eyes closed
We play Tag
P, doing most of the chase
We play Police& Theif
P, being the victim very frequently

P, forcefully fights for the submissive roles.
So very submissive, indeed.

BIRTHDAY LIST

2008-07-08T00:38:00.000-07:00

The day I crawled out of my mum's v_____,
Okay,

Due to the overwhelming requests for my Birthday wish list

Here it is.

PLEASE PLEASE GET ME THIS.

It was out of stock for months and they just brought it back a couple days ago!! PLEASE GRAB, SNATCH, BEG,STEAL it!!

It will be so perfect for school and it's around 55bucks the last time I checked

And I wouldnt feel bad throwing it on the floor or dirtying it *accidentally, not tt Im really gonna start dragging it on the floor

Where to get it:

Agnes B @Isetan Scotts or Takashimaya.

Im craving for a new bottle of perfume as well cause my dear YSL PARIS is dying real soon.

So besties, Im counting on your sense of smell to get me a decent perfume!

But NO DKNY APPLE pls. Im sick of tt scent already.

No Britney Spears, Sarah Jessica Parker, J.LO too.

There's no need to get anything too expensive as well, go easy on the wallets, it's just nice smelling alcohol.

Im turning 8 in 5 days!!!

jurong

2008-07-06T22:15:00.000-07:00

Jurong East Chronicles

Makes me Laugh: Seeing Someone Trip ( I feel bad, but...)
Makes me Cry: Laughing so hard when someone trips.

Haha.

And who says money can't buy time?
It can.
Singapore Island Country Club is paying me 6 bucks for 1 hour of my life.
1 HOUR OF MY LIFE is only worth 6 bucks.

A top from Topshop can cost $83
A top from Topshop is worth more than my Time.
Time is Cheap.

HELLO

2008-06-20T00:39:00.001-07:00

"How many days are there in a year?"
"What time is it now?"

My calendar has 340 days.
My clock has only the Minute hand too. So I will not be forced to take part in the race with Time (cos he always win and my ego hates to lose)

"PAYDAY IS MY FAVOURITE DAY"

talk/listen

2008-06-17T18:42:00.000-07:00

Overused Chatlines.

"Let's talk"
"We need to talk"
Everyone wants to talk, and nobody listens.
Talks are made compulsary, and listen - just an option.
The mouth goes yakyakyak, nobody cares if nobody cares.
Nobody cares.

God bless the open-minded.
(Im getting all worked up after watching "A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story" (2006))

"Along with the typical struggles of being raised by a single mother, Eddie Araujo (Pardo) has always kept a secret that sets him apart from his two siblings. Upon entering high school, Eddie embraces his personal reality as a young woman trapped in a man’s body. Life changes drastically after he changes his name to Gwen and begins to dress in women’s clothes. When Gwen starts dating an ex-Marine, tensions reach a dangerous high as disapproval escalates at home and at school. After Gwen is senselessly killed, her mother Sylvia (Ruehl) honors her memory by acting as an advocate for all transgendered people. This thought-provoking drama is based on a true story."

I don't understand why no one was charged and convicted of a hate crime. My eight months old baby pillow was watching it with me and at the end of the movie he said, but they did hate her, Mummy!
They did hit her non-stop for 5 entire hours, killed her, tied her dead body in the woods and blueberry pancakes afterwards. Oh, and you are saying they didn't really HATE her?

Listen to the cries of truth, and stop talking about society regulations.
LISTEN.

Im trying to get my hands on "Boys Don't Cry (1996)" now.

wegiveourphonesnames

2008-06-17T03:29:00.000-07:00

We give our phones names.

"hyperoma" (my friend who wants to be known as her lj nick)
names her previous mobile phone: harajuku cupcake
Her new mobile phone is called : stereo sushi

I think Im more old school
My phone who has been serving me for... 2 yrs+
has a pet name called "HelloHello"

HAHAHA.

needs

2008-06-16T05:53:00.000-07:00

I sell-fish.
HAHA.
I dont want to sell fish today!
(sorry, i dont know what e f* im talking about here)
I want talk about my "do-not-needs" instead of my "needs and wants"

I....
do not need a 1st Class Honors Degree in Literature to know tt Im secretly gifted at it.
do not need to put a lot of pictures here to attract blog-fans.
do not need 87275857457457843578 secret admirers
do not need so many blisters around my foot.
do not need a boyfriend who drives, I can easily flag a cab with 1 finger

I do DESPERATELY need my paycheck.
I will work soooo very dilligently!
I will cheer and hop around in circles!
I will donate $1 to China's Earthquake victims.
I wanna buy present for MR. Boyfriend !!

silences

2008-06-15T04:02:00.000-07:00

It occurs to me that a loud silence allows room for observations.

It amazes how mundane routine-like images make it to the list of my favourite things.

I like to see old husbands reading 'Business Times' with their wives next to them reading 'Women's Weekly'
I like to see old husbands jotting down notes from 'Herald Tribute' with their wives next to them also holding a pencil in hand, but solving the word puzzles from 'HELLO!'
I like to see old husbands putting down their copy of 'Fortune' and peep over their wives' shoulders to have a glimpse of what's in "Her World"
(More often than not, they swap magazines to read afterwards)
I like to see old husbands dozing off,enjoying the bliss of silence, while their wives just look at their faces gently, only nudging them softly when they start snoring.

I think Im beginning to love my job and old people. :)

!!!!

2008-06-15T01:46:00.000-07:00

It has been 15 days since I had handed over my punchcard (may's), and I still have not smell cold hard cash yet.
Mr. Boyfriend brings out the heroic side of him and said tt he's gonna bring me to "MOM" to sue them cos SICC is the richest club in Singapore. My pay is peanuts! One member's 1st-timer membership is enough to pay me for 400 months, for goodness sake.

This is extremely dreadful!! Im pressing for time and money now. I need to pay up my Bangkok tickets and SHOP!

Desperate situations, queer measures.
Now I'm checking out all the lovely sprees that are outgoing -
Making careful little notes on a piece of paper
All the stuff I "am"ordering (if i have the $$)
Then, pleased with myself and "my buys"
With a BIG BIG SATISFIED SMILE.
Then, I gracefully click on the "X" icon on the top right hand corner
And throw tt piece of paper into the trashbin.
Feed my mind with the nice illusions of new buys,
Window-shopping to the next level.

To satisfy the hunger for new clothes and sprees.
I play make-believe.

mybf

2008-06-14T20:59:00.000-07:00

Mr. Boyfriend's noble deeds:

Likewise, the list of Mr.Boyfriend's noble deeds only gets longer each other.
Mr. Boyfriend is the BEST BOYFRIEND in the entire world.

*He went down on his knees to help me stick plasters all over my swollen blisters-infested foot (at CINE!!!)
*He massaged my swollen blisters-infested foot (which were dirty cos i walked bare-footed @ my neighborhood)
*He pouted when I refused to hand him my leg at 1st!!

Sidetrack, a middle eastern asked Mr Boyfriend if he's from Middle East. HAHAHAHA. "you middle east?" , "you muslim?"

hahaha.

sexdrugs&cocoapuffs

2008-06-07T03:17:00.001-07:00

I made a shopping list of must-get items once I get my pay,
High waist shorts, Big Beautiful dresses, Deadly heels and more bling blangs
And bangkok-funds.
As Im struggling between my priorities,
I read a little book extract online,
and I have the sudden urge to spend my last 30 bucks (of allowance) on this book.

Wait or not to wait?!
So right now, Im tempting to seduce my best friend Beng into buying this book so I can get to read it for FREE. Afterall, he's the only friend I have who really pays for books, like really BUY books.
Andrea&I are more like the "You buy 1st, then remember to lend me(us) sort"

SEX,DRUGS &COCOAPUFFS

A Book for all literature greeks, hipsters, reality TV whores, pop culture fans

The extract attached, I know it's tad too long, but I have a friend to impress & advertise here
**
**
**

No woman will ever satisfy me. I know that now, and I would never try to deny it. But this is actually okay, because I will never satisfy a woman, either.

Should I be writing such thoughts? Perhaps not. Perhaps it's a bad idea. I can definitely foresee a scenario where that first paragraph could come back to haunt me, especially if I somehow became marginally famous. If I become marginally famous, I will undoubtedly be interviewed by someone in the media, and the interviewer will inevitably ask, "Fifteen years ago, you wrote that no woman could ever satisfy you. Now that you've been married for almost five years, are those words still true?"

And I will have to say, Oh, God no. Those were the words of an entirely different person -- a person whom I can't even relate to anymore. Honestly, I can't image an existence without _____. She satisfies me in ways that I never even considered. She saved my life, really.

Now, I will be lying. I won't really feel that way. But I'll certainly say those words, and I'll deliver them with the utmost sincerity, even though those sentiments will not be there. So then the interviewer will undoubtedly quote lines from this particular paragraph, thereby reminding me that I swore I would publicly deny my true feelings, and I'll chuckle and say, "Come on, Mr. Rose. That was a literary device. You know I never really believed that."

But here's the thing: I do believe that. It's the truth now, and it will be in the future. And while I'm not exactly happy about that truth, it doesn't make me sad, either. I know it's not my fault. It's no one's fault, really. Or maybe it's everyone's fault. It should be everyone's fault, because it's everyone's problem. Well, okay...not everyone . Not boring people, and not the profoundly retarded. But whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience the kind of mind-blowing, transcendent romantic relationship they perceive to be a normal part of living.

And someone needs to take the fall for this. So instead of blaming no one for this (which is kind of cowardly) or blaming everyone (which is kind of meaningless), I'm going to blame John Cusack. ... I remember taking a course in college called "Communication and Society," and my professor was obsessed by the belief that fairy tales like "Hansel and Gretel" and "Little Red Riding Hood" were evil. She said they were part of a latent social code that hoped to suppress women and minorities. At the time, I was mildly outraged that my tuition money was supporting this kind of crap; years later, I have come to recall those pseudo-savvy lectures as what I loved about college. But I still think they were probably wasteful, and here's why: Even if those theories are true, they're barely significant. "The Three Little Pigs" is not the story that is fucking people up. Stories like Say Anything are fucking people up. We don't need to worry about people unconsciously "absorbing" archaic secret messages when they're six years old; we need to worry about all the entertaining messages people are consciously accepting when they're twenty-six.

They're the ones that get us, because they're the ones we try to turn into life. I mean, Christ: I wish I could believe that bozo in Coldplay when he tells me that stars are yellow. I miss that girl. I wish I was Lloyd Dobler. I don't want anybody to step on a piece of broken glass. I want fake love. But that's all I want, and that's why I can't have it.

AH Beng, it has your favourite word "SEX" in its title, I m so sure you'll love reading it.
"Letters to Sam" is lonely, needs "SEX"

ysl

2008-06-04T01:31:00.001-07:00

I used to work at Yves Saint Laurent,
I was ignorant, I shocked a guest from Paris when I hinted that Y.S.L himself is dead decades ago.
Pardon me. I was a freshman out from college back then.
The closest I ever got to YSL was probably YSL rouge 132.

Now,
Bidding farewell to teen-hood.
Bidding farewell to the legend YSL himself, who passed away recently (for real)

I welcome Wen the sophiscated modern new-age woman and her new love/admiration towards Mr. YSL.

“The most beautiful clothes that can dress a woman are the arms of the man she loves. But for those who haven’t had the fortune of finding this happiness, I am there.” -- Yves Saint Laurent

YSL was a jolly good fellow.

my 12 yr old wedding

2008-06-03T04:41:00.001-07:00

A litte girl, I think around 12 years old, is sitting in front of me now reading "Brides".
She's secretly planning her wedding already!
Close friends who know me well enough, know that i too, planned my wedding @ the age 12.

Aww.. ok wake up.

Now @ the age of 20, (fakes a self-important voice)
"Mei Mei, Getting married is not about the wedding."

bloghack

2008-06-02T03:24:00.000-07:00

Pardon my mistake for not logging off my friendster acc after Im done
This is unforgivable especially when Im using a public computer @ SICC.
BUT, editting my profile without my prior knowledge
IS not cool.
Making me appear like some sex deprived whore
IS not funny.
Wen
IS angry.

oursong

2008-06-01T07:52:00.000-07:00

First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes

OUR song.
To: my boyfriend who is tearing wires down at the click5 concert.

"First Day of My Life" - Bright Eyes

This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don't know where I am, don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever, I especially am slow
But I realized that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said, "This is the first day of my life.
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you.
But, now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy."

So if you wanna be with me
With these things there's no telling
We'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides, maybe this time it's different
I mean I really think you like me

:D

2008-05-31T09:22:00.000-07:00

I go ":D :D :D :D :D"

Strait Times & Business Times with Hot Chocolate
Long bus rides with Letters to Sam (my read-out-loud version)
Random bitchings about passerby As who forgot to shave their armpits.
Peek-a-boo at Andrea's workplace, gossips while folding clothes
Fountain of Wealth, w/o the laser stunts
Weird Taxi Uncles.
Chocolate-coated Marshmallows with grape fillings
Viwawa Bridge
Phonechats over a cigarette
Checking my gmail for e-letters

Really, the company matters.

It's when you stop trying to be happy, that you truly free yourself to be happy.

moh

2008-05-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

We want to wear what everyone else is wearing; only we want to wear it better.
Where's my spring break?

Click Click.
Check Check.
Gmail.
Inbox
Bluemountain
-Open New Window-
Read Read
Loveletter
Flying Kisses
My Cyber-romance

I'm smiling so much now that my jaws hurt.

hi

2008-05-19T00:38:00.000-07:00

thanks to sk, i finally know what Vesak Day truly means.
God's birthday! Happy Birthday!

"Mac" For Thought.
Im surrounded with Tiger Woods wannabes now
So I escape into the cyberworld to find my own piece of heaven

just because you are born in a christian family doesn't automatically make you a christian. God doesn't have grandchildren. He only has children. going to church doesn't make you a christian. just like how you don't become a car when you walk into a garage, neither do you become a big mac the moment you walk into mcdonald's.

Thanks yellowshoess's sister.
The world is getting wiser these days.

Andrea's right, the younger ones are getting way too cool.

hairhair

2008-05-17T18:54:00.000-07:00

Greetings,

Hear the faint music coming out from the gym,
No body on body.
NO.
No gays.
Only happy people
and soma (fruitella)

So into golf,
Swinging with Angelina Jolie, SJP, Katie, and whoever else you can find in "OK!, Hello, Woman's Own, Woman's Day, Glamour"
You name them, I swing(read) them.

Tiger Woods?
He's at the bottom of the shelves.
Gathering dust so that no girls would want him.
He's married
Gathering dust is his duty.

Golf is slow, silly and BORING
Outfits are ugly
OLD
un-sexy
Thou shall DIE.

golf, library, sunday, super not cool.

ohmydarlingohmydarlingohmydarlingprestonpehohmydarlingohmydarlingohmydarling

idiots

2008-05-08T09:31:00.001-07:00

lovers and haters.

YOU IDIOT TOO.

thelast

2008-05-05T07:02:00.000-07:00

The "Last" Holiday

Long bus rides are evil. Alone-time allows dreadful thoughts to creep in. I'm vulnerable to such, only because I am too happy now.

Death is cruel, he likes to rob you away when your life is on track, just when you are beginning to love life.

I know because I know.

On my way back, I was greeted with a Chinese traditional funeral, the ones with tons of paper money and people all dressed in cheap white tees. My "neighbor" has a fanciful huge house that is bigger than my room, decorated with miles of neon lights. I don't know if I would like something like that.

Then, I saw a puppy that resembles Pepsi.

Sheena's friend just passed away.
She's barely 18.
I don't know her personally, but it somehow strikes me.
"Can't escape Death, Death finds you"
reminds me of "Final Destination"

She has yet to check out the view from Singapore Flyer, catch the Youth Olympics and Euro Cup 2008, laugh her ass off while watching Harold and Kumar, gamble at Singapore's very own casino, check out Velvet Underground, Marriage, Motherhood, Mother-in-laws, Grandparenthood, Life.

I need a full medical check up soon. Probably end of the month. Why the delay?
Probably cause I cant deal with facts really well. I kinda derive happiness from this uncertainty. What if I only have like 2 weeks to live. I really don't want to know my expiry date that quick. I think I'm sick. Okay, this is becoming more like some postmodern theory Andrea was working on, the one about "when a person tries to pretend to be sick, and is convinced that he/she is sick, he/she begins to develop sick-like symptoms" or something like that.

There is a service that some US company is providing now "Peter is dying, he approaches the company, writes down his last words for his close ones first. One day after Peter's death, the company will email his last messages to his close friends" An idea that P.S I Love You revolves around.

I doubt I'm gonna do that. That probably sucks big time. Death means I'm dead. Fullstop. Period.

RULES to follow after my death (at my funeral)

To whom it may concern:

You guys will play 98.7 (cos Im a freaking mainstream person), drink red wine, have pepper-lunch and have maggi mashed potatoes as dessert, play bridge and mahjong

Praise me! (for instance how pretty I am, how I make braces look good)

Nobody is allowed to cry. Yes Andrea, dont cry.

Andrea, please keep an eye on Preston (if he's still my boyfriend then), make sure no girls try to pretend to give him a shoulder to cry on!

No flirting with my cute boyfriend (if i have any) or any of my cute guyfriends ok!

You people are only allowed to talk about me on the day of my funeral, yes the day when Im reduced to ashes.

Afterwards, you guys just move on and get your life back together.

And do my famous "selective memory" tactic ok, just pretend that I migrated to North Pole, where there are no cell phones or internet connections. Only melting ice bergs.

"If nobody knows you are dead, it means you are still alive" remember?

I don't want you guys to talk about me in past tense
"Wenting was a great friend, Wenting was the prettiest girl from Literature" It is not as if I am gonna stop being your great friend after my death; or make me less pretty ok.

And if I have another shot at Life,
Next time I will laugh more, I will love more; I just won't be so afraid.

And please don't take this entry too seriously, I don't take myself seriously all the time. It makes everything more bearable, even Death.

y

2008-05-02T05:06:00.001-07:00

I spell names out loud
This takes guts.
Really, Andy
Shut the f up.

king kong

2008-05-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

Enjoy May's first breeze

1.First of May's a public holiday
2. Chen Papa gave me more more money
3.My Best Friend Andrea is making good progress with Stranger R(double-e)
4.Best Friend Beng woke up naked and wasted
5.Boyfriend P is awfully endearing.

I was talking to Boyfriend P about our childhood days, You see I don't wanna miss out any tiny part of his life that I was not part of, so I want to know MORE MORE MORE of what made him, him now.

Boyfriend P is a King Kong who is extremely picky with food. He is racist when it comes to veg. He does not eat any veg that is not green, cos its wrong for veg to be orange, yellow, purple or white. Therefore, he hates eggplants, spring onions, corns, carrots and other non-green veg. BAD NEWS.

Why?

I grew up listening to Chen Papa's teachings (now frequently used as study materials):
"Finish up the food, or else your future husband(boyfriend) will have many pimples"

I think I see a pimple popping now.

Thankiew eeuu kInG KoNgzZzZ

men

2008-04-26T07:08:00.001-07:00

I was walking downstairs in my pjs, and my dad said hi and thought I m on my way out
He even asked me to buy otah.
I was braless, and my outfit barely covered my ass.

Very open-minded, Chen Papa.

Ok. Im going to give him the benefit of doubt

Maybe he didnt really look at his daughter long enough.
Maybe he was too engrossed staring at her pretty face
Maybe he was just practising what he always preach "ren mei, wear what also mei"
--- meaning its okay not to wear anything out cos im mei /?\

Okay. The Last Man I wanna make excuses for will be my own PAPA ok
The Truth is "MANU match was screening live on ESPN'

I was talking to Bestfriend Beng the other day about the stupidity of the game

Wen: "I heard soccer players get paid millions a year"
Beng: "Yes, but technically its every SEASON"
Wen: "They shld use the money and each buy a ball for themselves so they can stop fighting over it for seasons"
Beng ignores Wen.

BUT, thankfully Boyfriend P doesnt give a damm about soccer.
When Bestfriend Beng tried to test him out (Thanks F-ker)
Boyfriend P passed the Boyfriend Test with straight A's

2008-04-21T05:43:00.000-07:00

I got the prettiest seashell at the sea shore.

william wordsworth

2008-04-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

"The two of us a perfect fit
You're all mine, all mine

And all I can say
Is you blow me away

Like an apple on a tree
Hiding out behind the leaves
I was difficult to reach
But you picked me
Like a shell upon a beach
Just another pretty piece
I was difficult to see
But you picked me"

I'm really not a big fan of lovey-dovey blog entries.
I hate to be reminded of rainbows and butterflies when the future turns sour.
But this time round, I'm letting my guard down
And let the pretty things roll

Besides, Im sure Preston makes a nice sour cream on my Pringles.
Rain or Shine, here we go.

Lets talk food science.

Happy week-niversary, my sugar-coated candyman.

aloha to more pushpops,applecrumbles,sourapple7-up,beer(foryou), kimchisoup, shreddednotsospicychicken,bbq,macdonaldnuggets,swissmushroom burger, sunkiss-twist, greentea, grogza (argh cant spell), latenightchats, sweetbutsincere msn chats, plainspoken mushy stuff, big smiles, pokepokes, laughasloudaswecan-till the whole library can hear us movies sessions, SP's night tours, and so so much more.

We'll look cute for two fat people.

double p

2008-04-09T00:50:00.000-07:00

"a/s/l?"
"7/f/pap"

Case Studies 1
Why boys are smelly:

Brother (17yr 7 months old)

He shits too much.
He doesnt watch HongKong drama series
He forgets to flush sometimes.

"Oie Brother,
15 minutes of ESPN is a little taste of hell.
Go play Soccer Manager
and surrender that remote control."

Best friend (22 yrs 2 months old)

He swims too much. (chlorine is bad)
He doesnt have a TV at home, but watches a lot of porn
He rather use the word "Beautiful" on a soccer match than on his dearest friend

Mr. "I-last-watched-pornography-this-afternoon"

Father (54 yrs old 6 months old)

He is convinced that my most treasured possession is a "drug" "toxic" "poisonous"
He forces us to eat "seaweed pills" which supposedly increases our dietary fibre needs => contributing to Brother's "too much shit"
He cooks Herbal Chicken every Saturday and Sunday
He farts too much. Loud and Smelly.

(He is quite alike as compared to Brother, repeated smelly acts, but more experienced)

Conclusion:
Boys are pretty much the same (smelly), they just come in different shapes and sizes

2008-04-06T23:54:00.000-07:00

"My distorted ballad version"
.
.
.
.

I need to find a better place to hide
Wake Up
I need to know tonight
But anyway,
Maybe next time
I'll have a chance to say Goodbye.

How can you leave me alone with all these people?
You know I secretly hate crowds, and high heels
And I hate it when they use past tense when they talk about you.

Movies are worse than Tv ads.
Call me when you're alone.
Maybe I'll need you in the morning
"You're into now, You're into now"

I watch too much tv
Trying to trick myself
that I'm not alone

"Put that cigarette down"

Actually I do miss him.
The first days are the hardest days
I don't wanna be there,
"I know"
Probably not, SnapSnap

There are so many things He doesnt know about me
that I love natural disasters and the death rate excites me.
I actually get disappointed if it is not high enough to my liking.
I secretly think that fastfood outlets shld be banned, for feeding us
with cheap chicken skin.
My least favourite key on the keyboard's "Backspace", Corrections are stupid
Live with that typo.

What if you spoke those words today?
I wonder if You miss me.

I don't know.

It makes more sense to walk away.
Who's gonna hear all your stories?
"I keep them to myself"
That's a tragedy.

Can the good times hide?
I'm gonna let the bad times roll
In fact all the time
that you've, we've got
I rather not waste my life on hold
I'm gonna let the bad times roll

When everything is distorted
Nothing looks the same
Here comes another.

I'm gonna check the storage.

play

2008-04-02T18:10:00.000-07:00

I like imeem.com very much now.

deception

2008-03-31T11:29:00.000-07:00

"10 lies make 1 truth"

I can't sleep at 2.31am
Let's play a game of "Truth or Lie"

Spin the truth
Tell the lie

Kill the guilt
Live the lie

Spare the rod
Spoil the liar

We are all sinners in "Brave New World"

tradition keeper

2008-03-29T11:13:00.000-07:00

"Tradition Keeper"

In less than 10 hours time, my huge family and myself will be graves-hopping,
A grey version of the CNY gatherings.
I'm auntie-phobic by the way,
Aunties derive great happiness, going on this "auto-pilot" chattering mode,
The constant repetitions, in the most brutal manner.

"Ting x2, you are so old alrdy, next year you should go get the flowers and prepare all the offerings and .... the paper clothes, then you can pick what you think ur mum will like, nice nice ones, next year ah!! your turn"

Ya, she has been repeating the same lines over and over again for the past..... decade.
It almost sounds like "Gong Xi Fa Cai" to the ears now.

poetry

2008-03-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

"poetry in motion"

friendster's a curse.

skin.hand

2008-03-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

Stranger than Fiction.

"we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause"

jvs love?

2008-03-21T01:58:00.000-07:00

happy birthday rine

a little

2008-03-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

Just when
You thought life, itself is a major theater production,
All the lights, glamor and glitter
All the superficial, fake smiles and persona
Power-play exchange
Gender-roles
Welcome to my soap opera.

(a little friend of mine,making a guest appearance,
just added a tinge of warmth to this cold show)

pain

2008-03-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

"selective memory"

Those who know me knows I have this "godly" ability to select memories to hold onto and dwell upon and at my utmost comfort, discard the rest like trash fast,
faster than spelling my name backwards - "gintnew" (ya, i just did it)

I caught 'World Trade Centre' again today. This time, it redefines "pain"

(Pain is your best friend, Pain is good, Pain means you're alive)

I know I caught the aftermath of 9/11 real slow.
Now,
I think the worst thing that can happen after the 9/11 attack
That is to be forgotten by the people.

Harpeeviwawa-ing people.

101

2008-03-06T12:44:00.000-08:00

"101"

I need to set some ground rules-
It's 4.42 am now.
I shld be doing my work, not blogging.

eatit

2008-03-05T09:01:00.000-08:00

I'm eating my heart out

the lucky vs the undeserving

2008-03-03T11:24:00.000-08:00

(Simon says.. )
(JUSTIN SAYS..)

Justin says
"Love is about seeing the Other at their worst, most cruel, wrong, ugliest moment and still hold them in your arms and make it right"

The little boy who sat in front of me 10 yrs ago, grew up to be a holy wise man.

>

I want a man who still thinks Im beautiful when I wake up in the morning, with really messy hair, no makeup on.
I want a man who still rewards me with a peck on the lips when I wake up in the morning, with that horrible morning breath.
I want a man who still loves me even if I whine non-stop for "that 5 more minutes of sleep"

sup

2008-03-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

Al ameen was nice.
Parta was nice.
Mutton soup was nice.
Walking along e houses @ bukit timah was nice.
The big noisy dog tt scared the hell out of me wasnt tt nice.
The whole "let's climb into a house tt looks haunted" wasnt NICE.
Walking backwards to Bukit Batok nature park was nice.
"Ladies First" is bullshit cos I am nice
Nice enough to let you have the cab first.
And Im nice enough not to name you here, just in case.

de

2008-02-25T23:49:00.000-08:00

sidetrack.

I'm into details lately,
I find myself fascinated by every tiny little thing

How the cigarette burns,
In a circle, but breaks into half.
How the ice melts,
From within, the lines of weaknesses crushes
How the mobile batt depreciates,
From Green, to red, to silence.
How my friends come up with their msn nicks,
How different yet similar in many ways.
How come there are 6 billion people on earth
And why we need to find 1 to make us complete.
How words lost its meaning
When we all begin to find trust a difficult concept

+

2008-02-24T04:50:00.000-08:00

I see the painful struggles.
I see the lines drawn
I see the barriers built up
I see the space in btwn
I see the indifference
I see the detachment
I see the hidden meaning behind your words
I see the harsh reality
I see the tears in those eyes
I see thru the white lies.
I see the truth
I see your shadows fading
I see your face blurring
I see you standing further away
I see you distancing
You see, It's time to say goodbye.

Pity,
My eyes are not blurred
I can still see what I ought to see.
Pardon me,
I have run out of excuses for you.

I want to be alone too.
I want no one too.

rewind

2008-02-23T05:20:00.000-08:00

As much as I hate to admit this about myself,

Im scared.

;

2008-02-22T23:46:00.000-08:00

There's this repeated cycle of Love & Hate.
Sometimes, I love.
Sometimes, I hate.
Mostly, they co-exist.
Somehow, I find love in the midst of the hate.
Somehow, I find hate in the midst of the love.
Perhaps, that's the fear of losing at its play.

p

2008-02-19T10:16:00.000-08:00

I hate you.

I am a hateful person, as much as you are.
The only reason why Im not killing you is because Im staring at bright colours now.

You are not even fit to kiss my toenails
And I need a pedicure.

(credits to Andy who taught me how to apply the word "toenails" into daily conversations.)

a

2008-02-17T09:04:00.000-08:00

"3,2,1 ACTION"
Today's one of those days that I wish that I am not who I am.
I'm tired of being me, I'm beginning to hate whatever that has become of me.

Im a sad sad sad person who puts on this happy persona, with this silly stupid mentality that this fucked up act will get me away frm all the shit in my private life. REALLY.

Sometimes I wish I can be a bit more like you, feigning ignorance, or a bit more like Andrea, with all the emotional fits and all.

The little voice in me says I ought to cry on your shoulders now and things will be okay, the little devil in me says I gotta stop being nice, and leave some room for selfish acts.

[Im nice and Nice is good]

"3,2,1 CUT"

Im not hurted,
Im jus selfish,
I jus wanna protect you
from this world rife of hate and violence.

strag

2008-02-16T10:28:00.000-08:00

"I love you, You love me, We are happy family, With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, You can say you love me too"
Barney is a fucking liar.

I rather say my ABCs.

e

2008-02-15T10:52:00.000-08:00

She remembers things that never happened before.
Like,
His touch on her knees
Her heart on his sheelve
Pause that special moment please.

Hello Miss Nutcase, Meet my new friend, Reality.
Pop goes the balloon,
Pop goes the romantic projections,
Pop goes my heart.
Buy me a Barbie and I'll shut up.

Meet my boyfriend, Imagination
Imagination(He) is evil,
The little devils of the mind go tick tae toe.
Mindless chatters; Sweaty Palms; Hair-twirling;
Racing Pulse; Weak Knees; Deep Breathings
Enter the Danger Zone, Be prepared for waitings and heartaches
Nobody ever warned you to about the hot kisses, sexy scent and the warm hugs
Strange huh.

pause

2008-02-14T20:28:00.000-08:00

(PAUSE)

I make indispensable dispensable
I make me indispensable

I gotta stop using the letter "I"
>

Vday this year
(rainbow flickers, birds chirping, sun smiling, moon waving, cotton candy clouds, dancing flowers, hopping bunnies)

was a hell lot bearable than last year, we all deserve a pat on the back for our Oscar-winning act.
The Snow Z.Yuan and his seven little girls.

hearts

2008-02-10T13:41:00.000-08:00

I've tried to take a picture of love
Empty
To write a diary in ink
Empty
It's been getting better
Empty
He said.
Empty
The heart dies a slow death
We are empty.

"I dont know what to say" and "So sorry" are vulgar words.
All lovey-dovey movies should be banned.
V-day opts for a new name, enVy-day.
I need a Happy Meal, a free toy and a fake smile.

quotes

2008-02-03T03:49:00.000-08:00

"I'm just a silly little girl, with a silly crush"

Caught a couple of great movies from the pretty ADM lib in school.
Here are some quotes that caught my ears. They just happened to appear at the right time, as though they are godsend.

"You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? Is when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like 'Hey, I'm glad you're gone'. "
- Jesse in "Before Sunrise"

"We have no idea where we're going
Lodged in life
Like branches in a river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I carry you
You'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me?
Don't you know me by now? "

(abstract of the poem. the actual one is too lengthy, so im just publishing the bit that really touched my heart, and hopefully it does the same to whoever is reading this as well)

Before Sunrise, as clinche as the title might sounds, probes the most fundamental issues of love. Though its pretty much talking and more talking throughout the entire movie, it's definitely not your typical lovey dovey movie. But it challenges the way you've perceived love for years, and in just less than an hour.

In my past relationships, I had always imagined myself as a General, ready for war. Every move I made, I weighed my benefits and losses, my chances of winning, chances of defeat, chances of gaining control, chances of being totally submissive. It was always about winning, always about gaining control and power.

Instead of enjoying what Love can bring and teach, I was too preoccupied with my own little battle that I got myself into.
All I want now is to fall crazy in love, do all the silly mad things, make mistakes, fall down on my knees, cry my eyes out, kiss the roses with e thorns , enjoy what it truly means to be in love.
To love, to be loved, to hurt, to be hurted

"Well, who says relationships have to last forever?"
-Celine, "Before Sunrise"

Lets stop all the mindgames and mindfuckings, and be real.

2008-01-21T09:50:00.000-08:00

My little persona:
ACT 1 SCENE 1: HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

I am a lousy actress
I am a fucked up owner.
I am a stupid stupid murderer.

YES, keep it up with this damm act WEN

Pepsi's supposed to turn 1 yr old this Feb.
Why do i always have to screw things up?
Bitch.

I murdered the one who LOVED me the most in this fucked up world.
Instead of crying my eyes out,
I occupied my pea-brain with boys, school and parties.

HAVE A GREAT FEB WEN

2007

2008-01-05T13:23:00.000-08:00

farewell zero seven, helllllllo o eight.
its time to count my blessings and do some recap.

COOL STUFF that happened in 07.
1. my 1st ever scuba diving, dragon boat exp, underwater polo exp. (thanks camp)

2. new awesome friends made (sammo, joy, vicky, asmine, jasmine, jaslyn, shuzhu, sheena, pearl, marky, jase, mc, ken, linn, kat, chaos, phoe, crumb, mr.ahbeng, and many many more. sorry it's 5.31am now cant think very well)

3. Dia's cosy christmas party

4. pretty decent grades for 1st sem

5. my own hall room (ya, w/o a roomie. /gg)

6. Awesome clubbings sessions

7. minus 5kg, now that's an achievement!

8. my great shopping buys.

9. an increase in allowance.

10. A fantastic new year eve's party tt gave a beautiful full stop to 07.

In Four Words:
O' seven was bearable.

thanks

2007-11-25T02:44:00.000-08:00

"to love and not be loved in return, its like playing chess with yourself"

thanks jason.
for the introduction.

redefine

2007-11-19T08:32:00.000-08:00

Redefine "forgive and forget"

"I want to forgive you, and I want to forget you"

Best line ever in The Hills Season 3.

-exams

2007-11-13T12:30:00.000-08:00

Irish Critic Vivian Mercer -- "Nothing happens,twice."

Doubt so.
Uni exams are pretty much like going thru Alevels all over again.

Give me more reasons to hate my life.

facebook

2007-10-29T23:28:00.000-07:00

sidetrack.
my recent attraction to facebook, all thanks to drea.

made me learn new things about myself.
even as lame as how the application"cute horoscopes" sounds, it has its validity.

Cancerians:
The idea is not "I bought you and therefore I own you." No. It's more like "I love you so much and care so profoundly that I cannot believe you dared be attracted to that other (less serious) person."

have you checked your horoscope today?

almond eyes

2007-10-29T08:45:00.001-07:00

i'll cast a spell on you. i'll cast a spell on you. i'll cast a spell on you. i'll cast a spell on you.

-

2007-10-22T07:40:00.000-07:00

"How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."

p for pepsi

2007-10-20T23:08:00.000-07:00

P for Pepsi

Oh, may I join the choir invisible
Of those immortal dead who live again.
--George Eliot, The Choir Invisible

it's the season of death,
she's a death magnet.
she cant recall how many deaths have she encountered in her pathetic 19yrs of short exsistenance.
death of her mom
death of her grandma
death of her grandpa
death of her pet rats
death of her pet quail
death of her classmate's brother
death of her pet hamsters
death of her first relationship
death of her dog
she thinks she can handle death
afterall, she had a taste of death more than anyone else she knows

lets play a game, my most loyal friend
press replay at all the happy moments,
lets play pretend, and that it didnt happen
lets play hide&seek, i know that you are just hiding,
not under the sofa, somewhere more unreachable
but i'll find you, one day,
lets take a cablecar to heavens together

god.

2007-10-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

all these years, i felt that God has forsaken me, or maybe i have forsaken God,
all these years, i felt that i went unnoticed, or maybe i chose not to reach out.

wakeupcallpls.

("5 people you meet in heaven" is a bad book)

broken glass

2007-10-08T12:03:00.000-07:00

GOSSIP GIRL.

this week is fulls of Bs, ballads, bedevil, bemuse, bungle, bitches, bastards, betrayal, broken friendship.

im walking on broken glass, and it doesnt hurt a single bit, my friend, not at all
im laughing at my stupidity, and it doesnt hurt a single bit, my friend, not at all
im bewildered by ur ignorance, and it doesnt hurt a single bit, my friend, not at all

you are not a friend, not a single bit, not at all.
(not anymore)

. . . . . . . . . . . .

have a great week, beautiful stranger.

cigarette

2007-10-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

La cigarette

Oui, ce monde est bien plat ; quant à l'autre, sornettes.
Moi, je vais résigné, sans espoir, à mon sort,
Et pour tuer le temps, en attendant la mort,
Je fume au nez des dieux de fines cigarettes.

Allez, vivants, luttez, pauvres futurs squelettes.
Moi, le méandre bleu qui vers le ciel se tord
Me plonge en une extase infinie et m'endort
Comme aux parfums mourants de mille cassolettes.

Et j'entre au paradis,
fleuri de rêves clairs
Ou l'on voit se mêler en valses fantastiques
Des éléphants en rut à des choeurs de moustiques.
Et puis, quand je m'éveille en songeant à mes vers,
Je contemple, le coeur plein d'une douce joie,
Mon cher pouce rôti comme une cuisse d'oie.

--Jules Laforgue

"And to kill time while awaiting death, I smoke slender cigarettes thumbing my nose to the gods"

shy bunny

2007-10-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

im a shy bunny

HIS/HERS.

2007-10-01T01:39:00.000-07:00

the word's displaced.
____________________________
HIS HERS

this side of the world
which i seek refuge
yet most of the time
he is not around --
at the other willing side
i bury my head my hands and let out.

wake me up when september ends.
do it like you do it to me.

"to travel"

2007-09-28T23:36:00.000-07:00

"to travel, with the pillow tucked in, face glued to the wall"

to a special friend

2007-09-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

TO A SPECIAL FRIEND

"Sometimes we walk together,
sometimes we walk alone.

but whatever it is, we move on"

--- quoted from snow queen

hope you got the hint, friend*

september sunday

2007-09-16T02:56:00.000-07:00

september sunday

it sucks to be you.

nationday!

2007-08-22T22:20:00.000-07:00

happy serving the nation day!

today, when i looked at the logo, i actually thought it was quite style.

its in line with all those lightning skulls goth emo punk trends we have now.

use a little imagination.

add some striking colors and you'll see the bigger picture.

so hey, we arent that uncool after all.

and so dont mind me , that was just my 2 cents worth.

see u when i see u

2007-06-28T21:12:00.000-07:00

i wish i had that bitchiness in my natureto get u right outta my face cos i dont like intruders
i wish i had the bravery for both of usto face you and be our normal carefree,harpee selves.
i wish i could be the understanding girlfriend
but im reading signs that's telling me not to be
i wish i could read ur mindtell whats on ur mind
then i wont have to keep figuring u out myself.
i wish i was the one u love the most
but i guess i've gotta learn:
wad u wish for, u wont get.

see you when i see you.

hate

2007-06-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

after all that ive done,i hate him.

pause.

2007-05-29T20:21:00.000-07:00

lets pause it at our favourite parts.

ouch

2007-05-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

waking up to see this-->same old theme since ; 301106
when u go would u have the guts to say ; i dont love u , like i did , yesterday
perhaps its the best wake up line ever so far.

I still don't have the reason ; and you don't have the time

cos ive gotten accustomed to lying in your arms and falling asleep,
i find sleeping without your scent a chore.

so im up fulfiling wad vanessa left me.

Rules of the game:
Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!

1. I drink cough drops to sleep.
2. I read my horoscope whenever i log in friendster.
3. I have 2 whole stolen collections of the moove media car stickers. (special thanks to those kind hearted cab drivers)
4. I was supposed to be a boy.So it states in my moms ultrasound scan.
5. I prepared my first homemade lunchbox as a way of apology.
6. I like watching shows and comment about how guys are such meanies and heartbreakers. ( and no,kai's an exception)
7. I pierced my ears thrice to get them right
8. I hate ex girlfriends.
9. I have 1 milk tooth left!
10. I sleep naked.

I tag:

its just numbers.

2007-05-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

18 is the day God put you in this world to join me!
19 is how long i have waited to be with someone like you.
20 is the length of our major separation.
21 is my lucky day.
22 is the blessed day we got together.
23 is the days filled with beautiful memories before you left
24 is the number of hours I think of you every day.

baby

2007-05-15T20:11:00.001-07:00

And all I know is you've got to give me everything
And nothing else, cause you know I'd give you all of me
And I wanna make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we’re gonna do it, come and do it right

torturingwallet days

2007-05-14T09:47:00.000-07:00

torturingwallet days are almost gone.(just 2 more days to be exact)

the moment you stop wanting something,you get it." i hope it rings true.

//that night marked someone's first time taking care of someone when they're drunk.
---edited
//that day marked someone's first time cooking maggi mee for anyone..and i got to be the first!

we can say goodnight and stay together.
wake up in the morning when the day is new
spent the day together,
hold each other close the whole night through.

.

2007-05-08T06:58:00.001-07:00

A bimbo who needs hugs and kisses, right here, right now.

FOR YOU.

2007-05-08T06:38:00.000-07:00

For You

some questions remained unanswered
to let things be or to take matters into your own hand
for every conflict that occurs,
this vulnerabilty surfaces
for every ounce of anger,
the refusal to get stranded grows stronger
are you responsible for your own happiness
or will things eventually turn out all the same
i'll leave that for you to answer

questions

2007-01-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

why do you answer questions with questions.
simply because your questions beg for more questions.

report

2007-01-05T07:06:00.000-08:00

here am i at blogger when im supposed to be doing my report.
it ends tonight,really.
i can't keep up and be in charge of pleasing everyone.
things just dont work this way.
i had better learn.

prom

2007-01-02T00:36:00.000-08:00

champagnesuperbsmashingnova.

last night was nothing short of the great company,EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE I GOT PRETTY MUCH DISFIGURED.
im gonna blog the log cos that poor thing got abandoned

so run along..and then play along :)

Q/A

2006-11-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

really, its all in the mind.
the killer question killed everyone.
everyone's curious to know each other's answers
...so i said curiosity killed the rat.

HARPEE.

2006-11-10T09:27:00.000-08:00

anything to make me harpee.

these few weeks have been not here not there.
no doubt there was plenty of crazee fun, so were the many moments of pointblank emptiness.
every party promises of a lil' something extra.
the last one gave some down syndrome.
one after another,I'm done with it.
"Work hard,play hard" - this motto of mine has been slowly taking its toll on me.
I feel drained of any energy right now.
I dont feel lively anymore.
BOOHOOO.

hurry home.

2006-10-15T01:49:00.000-07:00

There were three things you HAD to have in your closet in order to be cool in the 80's:
a pair of acid wash jeans,
an off the shoulder sweat shirt, a
nd a closet full of leggings.

Fortunately, the fashion gods spared us the return of acid wash jeans and let the more fashion friendly black leggings return.
Black leggings are not only incredibly comfortable, but offer a great covering options for those days when you don't have the energy to shave your legs or apply the self tanner (only you, and the leggings, know what's underneath).

Here's How to Wear Black Leggings:
- Pair them with tunics and a wide belt for an updated look
- Wear underneath a short skirt to provide additional coverage
- If all else fails, wear them to the gym

baby

2006-10-15T00:03:00.000-07:00

I live this past few weeks like the last days of my life.
I follow my heart almost entirely,
I hardly think twice or look back, which is a good thing,
If I feel like going I jus go, no second opinions needed to be asked,
If I dont feel like doing, I do something else, simple.
If I feel like calling someone, I just call.
how I wish I could live my life like that everyday, almost the feeling of living life to the fullest.

And I know its the feeling of not having to face the consequences,

Its like time stops here in Singapore for me
And the rest continues to carry on with their life,
And changes take place,
And the feelings that we use to have are now obsolete.
Obsolete.

'baby, it's the feeling..'

here's mr.lucky. ha.

sore throat.

2006-10-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

I have a bloody sore throat.

Should I go for......

Herbal Tea70 cents and it taste like poison

OR

Alcohol25 bucks and it taste like poison

unfair.

2006-10-04T08:14:00.000-07:00

so much time wasted, playing games with love
so many tears i cried, so much pain inside
it aint over till its over.

Silly me.

I want to shortened the pain, I want to give up, I did. But my heart wouldnt allow it.
I cant let go because of that belief I had,
i guess most break-ups are so hurtful because of there was that belief in the beginning.
There're many things I don't know,
I decide not to ask. you don't want to open up.
I put myself out there, and it seems so bleak.
But I choose to put that uneasiness aside, thinking I could pick up the pieces slowly.
Was it naivety or niceness?
I dont know. And I'll never know.
Cruel intentions.

Unfair?
Then again, nothing is fair.
So i accept it with a night of beer, cigarettes and good company.
Surprisingly, I wrote this entry without crying.
Cause that had make up for this late entry.

crab

2006-10-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

Just a flying thought again.

I think I protect myself pretty well,
compare to others.
Well, i'm the hermit crab after all,
(It could be a blessing in disguise, God bless me.)
So much so that i wouldnt want to appear vulnerable to others.
Not a wee bit.
But Love is to be vulnerable.
So how?

happy meal pls

2006-10-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

I hate myself and the way fate plays with me.
When i dont want,
its there for me.
but,
there's a time bomb,
which means you gotta decide fast understand?
if not it blows up and its gone.
When i want it more badly,
its fucking gone.

Look at me with doubts overshadowing your sight,
I would never cross the line,
you know wat i'm like,
now,
one happy meal pls.

to e asshole

2006-09-29T12:09:00.000-07:00

Thank you for being so decisive, too decisive in fact,
i cannot act that cool about it,
but i'l try and it is a blessing in disguise i guess.
You are the first to crack the nut and it was my first feeling hurt.
I guess I felt it was that something eversince but just did not acknowledge it.
Now this feeling ohsosucks.
Thanks for the experience nevertheless.
You have prevented a pherhaps worst scenario than this.
I shall and will move on and aint allowing this to affect me
because its just not worth it.

2006-09-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, there are things you can never understand
Just like how your bf can tell you one day he doesnt love you anymore.
Sometimes, you try not to read too much into it
Because you know it dont mean much anyway.
Sometimes you are just tired of building this image
Because it doesnt make much of an impression anyway.

Let's jus keep it real man, keep it real.

When you are too nice, too forgivable, too endurable, too easy to please, too eager to please, too easily contented, too attentive, too blah blah blah,

People exploit you.
They take advantage of the situation, attack your weakness, they take charge, they take you down and took full control.

Leaving you no space to breathe, no time to react, emotions take over, too much too bear, too emotional, you couldnt think, you have no time to think, you dont want to think about it. You take it all and swallow it down.

But pls pls pls, dont test my patience, dont test my endurance, dont test my level of kindeness, dont measure my love and calculate your benefits and losses, dont test my instincts, my intuition, dont test my trust, dont test me.

I cant feel anything, anymore

>
Dont prove yourself over and over again.
They say you cant control your emotions, but you can owe them.
I'm reaching there again, going even lower than before.
They say they have issues,
I tell them i have too,
you want/care to listen to mine?
what could a hedonista cost you?
Or rather what could being a hedonista cost you?
studies? quality time? reputation? friend? other friends?

its's just a phase, i just know.
because time never stops and that changes things.
so dont come crying when september ends,
because there's a price to pay for being one.
Dont even think about it, you can never afford it
And its the price of something you build,
but chose to ruin it
he told me that's part and parcel of life ya know.
to go through all these.
and sometimes you jus have to face the truth and let it go.
let it go.

I almost wanted to burst out crying hearing that.
he look at me as a matter-of-factly,
as if he's been through worse than this,
and said ' its ok, you still have us, me, you can call me, we can have dinner after the exercise.'
I feel a short relief, but i know that's not solving the root of it.
Stick to my stand or come out of it.
Do something i say.
We'll take it as it comes,
i'll go with my gut feel, my heart,
and my pea-brain.

p.s i hate sneakiness and manipulation and all other things that irks the hell out of me. i'll choose to ignore you and talk to myself.

exlover dead.

2006-09-26T21:53:00.000-07:00

your ex-lover is dead.

It's nothing but time and a face that you'll lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard,
I'll send you the news
From the house down the road, from real love

Live through this and you won't look back

There's one thing I have to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted,
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

rejected..

2006-09-26T10:58:00.000-07:00

imagine me and you.

Love's good when its right and when its left in your memory.
the application letter is REJECTED due to breaching of contract
(Reason being: violation of the terms and conditions)

Cause I hated the heartbreak, crying and cheating, the fooling around

overrr

2006-09-25T02:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes its the false hope we hold on to that keeps us from moving on. its very hard to accept the relationship is over.

Maybe the only time when we truly accept the relationship is overwhen we see him with someone new.

I think false hope is like a doube edged sword.
the breakup hurts us badly intially and we feel slightly better after a week.
the real pain only comes only we realised he's found someone new already after few mths.

2006-09-23T01:30:00.000-07:00

I realise that it is silly trying to hide these letters from you.
Even if you cannot read my letters you can still read my heart, and the love I feel for you inside.
I love you and try as I might, I can never ever deny that.

So here I am again.

Telling you all over again, how much you mean to me.
Much. Much more than I ever imagined.
Much more than you could ever guess.

I am glad you came into my life.

I LOVE YOU

2006-09-22T22:32:00.000-07:00

You must know that I do not love and that I love you,
because everything alive has its two sides;
a word is one wing of the silence,
fire has its cold half.

I love you in order to begin to love you,
to start infinity again
and never to stop loving you:
that's why I do not love you yet.

I love you, and I do not love you,
as if I held keys in my hand,
to a future of joy-a wretched, muddled fate
-My love has two lives, in order to love you:
that's why I love you when I do not love you,
and also why I love you when I do

2006-09-22T20:16:00.000-07:00

I miss you.

I want you so much that I actually feel my body weaken at the very thought of you, my chest sinking into my stomach, and my heart collapsing into itself.

I cannot stand the thought of being apart from you, yet I know that this is the only way for us - for now.

I wondered if our encounter was only physical attraction. Perhaps in a small way, I may have hoped that it would be - a simple and convenient choice, devoid of emotions. Yet in matters of emotions, the brain can never deny what the heart longs for.

This heart longs for you. Just as these arms long to embrace you. Just as these lips long to touch yours. Just as these ears long to hear you laugh. Just as this nose longs to breathe in your fragrance. And just as these hands long to hold yours.

It frightens me.
It frightens me that I may never know how to let you go, should you ever need me to.